More Than a Musician’s Worry

Walking out on stage, violin tucked under my arm, the bright lights blind me from being able to see the black pit that makes up my audience. My fingers are a cold, clammy mess, and there are butterflies - no, caterpillars - making their way around my stomach. As I bow, I worry that I’m going to trip, fall, and! look, there goes my career. But I don’t fall, and the audience quiets down, some last reshuffling and repositioning as I place my violin on my shoulder. I let go of my fears and start playing, when suddenly, my stage fright returns and I stumble my way up a difficult passage. Smiling in nervousness, I try to forget the mistake and continue on, but it haunts me, and I make more and more slips in the piece. I finally finish, but no joy comes to me from completing the piece. The audience claps politely, I slip away behind the curtain, and the next performer is up. But I stew in frustration. My performance was a disaster.

While there may only be a few who struggle as I did with stage fright, performance anxiety affects millions of people worldwide. Actors, musicians, athletes, test-takers, public speakers… Few are free from the burdens of stage fright.

I decided to focus part of my ELI on performance anxiety this semester. Although I have been growing musically, my stage fright hinders me from reaching playing my best during my performances. I was interested in learning about what makes me nervous and understanding how to make performance anxiety work in a positive, instead of a negative, manner for me.

For some, thinking about the audience in just their underwear staves off their stage fright. Others, like me, need a different approach. I have learned about centering, anxiety hierarchies, “un-catastrophizing,” mental rehearsal, and other techniques to avoid the negative consequences of performance anxiety. However, it’s important to keep in mind that performance anxiety is not necessarily a bad thing. No stage fright is perhaps almost as bad as having too much. Having the right amount of performance anxiety will lead to a better performance; the anticipation and excitement of being on stage will sharpen the performer’s finesse. The skill needed for all performers is to be able to walk the fine line between none to nauseum in order to perform at full potential.

~Satoka